Saturday, March 8, 2014

10 Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Woman

Pregnant Woman
 
I realize that most people are well-meaning. Most comments toward a pregnant woman are not meant to be malicious attacks against what her parenting style will be, the way she looks or the choices she is making. I truly think that some people just have NO clue what to say to a pregnant woman. Guess what? You don't have to say anything at all about the pregnancy! It's not in the rules that when you see a baby bump you would be rude not to tell about your experience or how you think she looks. Pregnant women are totally okay with that.
With that said, I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. I have heard it all before. I sometimes have a sarcastic sense of humor. I didn't write this article in anger or irritation. I absolutely love being pregnant and love that I will be holding another little bundle in a few months. It's all in good fun of course.

  1.  ARE YOU PREGNANT?
    What the pregnant woman hears : "You are looking a little chunky in the mid-section. You either choked down one too many donuts or there has to be a baby in there!"
    What she wants to say back but won't: "No, I'm not pregnant. I swallowed a volleyball. They couldn't get it out at the ER so we are just leaving it in there for now."
    What you could say instead: "Hi, how are you. Nice to see you."

I know that curiosity sometimes gets the best of us. The problem is, what if you say this to someone and they are NOT pregnant? You have just completely insulted them by letting them know you have noticed their fat accumulation.


      2.  YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE READY TO POP!

     What the pregnant woman hears: "You look like a beached whale!"
     What she wants to say back but won't: "I realize that I can't see my toes. Now stop comparing me to a hot air balloon."
     What you could say instead: "You are looking lovely as usual."

During the last few months of pregnancy a woman's abdomen tends to get larger and larger as she nears her birthing time. It is not necessary to point out over and over how large her belly has gotten. She is fully aware and does not need to know that YOU are aware also.


     3.  YOU'RE STILL PREGNANT?!

    What the pregnant woman hears: "Something is very wrong with you seeing as how that baby is still in your womb. Go ride over a set of railroad tracks to ease my mind"
    What she wants to say back but won't: "Yes, I'm still pregnant. If I was not still pregnant I would obviously have an infant in my arms."
    What you could say instead: "Let's have lunch soon. I miss your company."

This question to a pregnant woman is just completely unnecessary. If she was pregnant the last time you saw her and still has a belly and/or she is not carrying a baby then you can bet your bottom dollar that she is still pregnant.


     4.  BETTER YOU THAN ME!

    What the pregnant woman hears: "You are in such a horrible predicament. I am so glad that I'm not in your position. I would just shoot myself."
    What she wants to say back but won't: "I am currently creating a whole other human being. What super powers do you have?"
    What you could say instead: "The best part of pregnancy for me was.... What is the best part for you if you don't mind me asking?"

All I can say to this one is that it can ONLY be perceived as rude and negative. So, even if you don't mean it that way please keep it to yourself.


    5.  ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE AFTER THIS?

    What the pregnant woman hears: "Are you planning on getting it on with your husband AGAIN with no protection? Have some control woman!"
    What she wants to say back but won't: "Are you serious? I'm still pregnant! I'm not thinking about doing this again yet. Sheesh..."
    What you could say instead: "I bet your baby is going to be absolutely wonderful!"
   

This is such a personal thing to ask someone. Family planning is for the family. There are things that you just do not need to know. It does not benefit you in anyway to know whether someone is planning on having 3 or 8 children. That is for them to plan and think about. You have no weight in that decision. If they decide to have another baby in 2 years, you will know about it then.


     6.  ENJOY LIFE NOW, WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

    What the pregnant woman hears: "Life is going to suck in a few months."
    What she wants to say back but won't: "As a matter of fact, my attitude about it is completely the opposite. I will enjoy life so much more after the baby is born. That is why I am pregnant in the first place!"
    What you could say instead: "Life is going to be amazing with that new baby of yours!"

Most women who get pregnant on purpose don't do it thinking that they are going to endure a life of complete misery and pain. They are doing it for the joy. The joy of having a family. The joy that comes from raising a child. Of course there will be moments of sadness, some sleepless nights and other things that come along with parenthood but to imply that they will not be able to enjoy life again is just such a very negative statement and should be withheld.


    7.  GET ALL YOUR SLEEP NOW BEFORE THE BABY COMES.

    What the pregnant woman hears: "You will turn into a flesh eating zombie in 3 months."
    What she wants to say back but won't: "Umm, sleep? I would like you to go buy a watermelon right now. When you go to sleep tonight stick it under your sheets and lay on top of it. Call me tomorrow morning and let me know how you slept."
    What you could say instead: "I will call you to find out what I can do to help once baby arrives. I'm here for anything you need"

It is a well known fact that newborns don't sleep through the night. It just so happens that when you're VERY pregnant, you can't sleep well either. It is just a tad uncomfortable. There is really no need to give this piece of advice even if you are well-meaning. Pregnancy can be tiring and having a baby will be tiring. Eventually life will go back to normal and everyone will sleep once again. She already knows this and so do you.


     8.  OH, IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE HAVING ANOTHER  GIRL/BOY.

    What the pregnant woman hears: "You're such a disappointment."
    What she wants to say back but won't: "It's terrible isn't it? I am actually having a chimpanzee."
    What you could say instead: "Oh, you're having another boy/girl? That's so exciting! The boys/girls you already have are so adorable."

The woman doesn't actually get to choose what she's having. Whether it is a disappointment to you or not, she does not really need to know. Do not assume that it is disappointing to her unless she has said so. Even then, please try to be encouraging.


     9.  YOUR FOURTH KID? WOW, YOU'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES!

    What the pregnant woman hears: "There was an old lady who lived in a shoe...."
    What she wants to say but won't: "Yes. I'm Jenny from the Block, don't be fooled by the bump that I got."
    What you could say instead: Nothing. Nothing at all.

Nursery rhymes and pop songs aside, a woman who is having more than one child has experience. She's done it before. No need to comment.


       10.  IT'S GOING SOO SLOW

      What the pregnant woman hears: "I am growing impatient with your baby's incubation time."
      What she wants to say but won't: "I'm sorry that it's not going fast enough for you, is there anything I can do to make you feel better besides sit on the drier?"
      What you could say instead: "Have you done any fun baby clothes shopping while you're waiting for your precious one to arrive?"

Women are generally pregnant for about 40 weeks give or take a couple. It does not go faster or slower than that.

   

For most people, pregnancy can be exciting, interesting, mystifying, and fun. I'm sure that is why there is always a desire to discuss it when a pregnant woman is around. I truly enjoy talking about my pregnancy to others who have experienced it. However, there are boundaries that should be kept in mind when making comments. There are so many great things that can be said to a pregnant woman. Women who are expecting tend to be a little more sensitive than others so it would be wise to consider this prior to saying something. Also keep in mind that what you're saying has probably been said to her 8 to 10 times already that day. Make sure your comments are positive and uplifting. Otherwise, you may want to think about relocating.






"Pregnant Woman" photo by Patrisyu at freedigitalphotos.net

2 comments:

  1. #1 happened to me at church earlier this month. i said nope i am still fat from the last one sorry! he didnt even apologize he said oh it just looks like you've gained a little weight..... thanks dude. :(

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    Replies
    1. How nice of him! I could've added so many more to this list that I heard toward the end of pregnancy! It's amazing the things people come up with.

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